When too young is too young!

There comes a point in every (single) guys life when he is eventually too old for someone.

To be clear, he’s too old to date someone, or she’s too young for him to date. There’s a difference between those two, but for our purposes it’s opposite sides of the same coin.

Example: A man hits the age of 28… Probably this is a good time to stop dating 19 and 20 year olds or the flip side of the coin… to start looking more at the 23+ range (I would even go so far as to start with only 25+).

The reality is that the wider the age gap grows the larger the differences in experience, maturity, wants, needs, compatibility, etc…  It’s a fact of reality that none of us can escape. We all get older.

There are always exceptions to this, and I happen to know married couples that are 10 years apart, but this is more of an exception to the norm.

I picked the age 28 in my example for a reason. I know of an amazing successful individual whose close to that age and refuses to date girls above 24+ yet he is older. Frankly, its gotten to the point its become creepy. I would even go one step further and call it borderline pedophilia. It really is when you consider that there are plenty of eligible girls 23+, and no excuses for not meeting them.

I say 23+ because the likelihood of a 23+ obtaining some form of higher education or work experience is very credible, and thus a higher chance girls 23+ are more mature responsible adults. Again, there are exceptions to this.

While I don’t consider men 26+ as old guys, I do consider them too old to date girls between 18-23 (unless the girl has been working for a number of years, or has finished, or nearly completed an undergraduate program of some sort for the same reasons as mentioned above).

While there may be creepy guys out there who only want to date young girls, Shadchans can also be as big a systemic problem. For some reason Shadchans don’t seem to understand that no means NO!  That sometimes too young is too young. What I mean is that I personally don’t want to date young girls. It’s incredible, almost every shadchans mentions girls between 19-21. I’m not sure what part of “I don’t want to date girls too young” they do not understand.

I’m in my mid twenties, so I get it. I get that potentially dating a girl 20 isn’t so crazy of an idea, and all the more so for 21,22,23 etc.. But… and a big BUT, I just find that no amount of “She’s so mature for her age”, or “She’s really ahead of her years” will ever make up for time and experience. Bottom line is, when I take out younger girls on dates (and I won’t refuse meeting someone, especially if they’re local to me) but the bottom line is that no matter how mature or whatever else a shadchan says… I will always feel like I’m a camp counsellor  or some sort of youth group leader to that person.

Men need equals, not little girls. Companionship is a two way street, and it’s an adult game.

When someone asks what I’m looking for I tend to say “a young professional”. I feel this adequately describes anyone whose mature enough for a relationship without being too limiting. It’s boggling that some shadchans cannot understand this.

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Hired Chef vs. Fancy Restaurant. You decide. (P2)

I hired the Private Chef.

I actually asked a lot of people their opinion on this, and surprisingly most said they would pick the Fancy Restaurant. I was given many explanations why people thought it was better, or why hiring a private chef was a bad or worse idea.

To be frank, everyone who voted for Fancy Restaurant,  I disagree with you… wholeheartedly. You are just wrong.

To be fair, there were many people who said they liked the idea but they couldn’t or wouldn’t ever do the Private Chef for varied reasons. This is different then saying it’s not as good a date as a Fancy Restaurant.

I think anyone who sides with Fancy Restaurant is either uncreative, unromantic, or just doesn’t like to put any effort into the dating process. You have to be practical, hiring a private chef isn’t a typical date, or something to be done often. It’s meant for very special occasions such as anniversaries, milestones, and very special celebrations.

Anyone can just go to a fancy restaurant, it’s the easy way out of doing something special for someone special.

It is an extremely more intimate date than a public restaurant. (It’s still in accordance with all the halachas, the chef is there, so you’re good on Yichud!).

It takes no brains to select a venue and make reservations at a restaurant… It really is just another way of throwing money at a situation. Yes, I’m sure the food is delicious, and the atmosphere is fantastic… but a grande and romantic gesture it is not… at least not when compared to a personal chef!

To hire a private chef is a big effort, and a big expense. It’s not like you can just hire anyone to swing by your home and whip up a gourmet meal, we’re talking about some serious amount of planning that needs to be done.

You have to first find a chef, not so easy considering that good ones are often not jewish and even more often don’t normally cook kosher. Once you find a chef (in my case I was recommended someone), you then have to find out everything from pricing and menus, to costs and everything else in between. You also have to tell the chef you have some dietary restrictions, i.e. Kosher!

The funny thing, after I explained kosher, the chef – Vanessa, was totally all for it!  She was very cool about coming to my home and using my kitchen and my utensils. She even went to the kosher grocery store to buy fish & meat that I could eat. I told her what symbols to look for on products in order that she purchased the right ones. It was a really easy and very positive experience, one that I would highly recommend to all the guys who have been dating someone seriously and really want to be a cut above the rest. Or for that husband that wants something really different and special for his wife.

I had a great 3-course gourmet meal with someone special, it was far more superior then any kosher restaurant that I could ever go to. I was fortunate to have the cooperation of my family to keep clear for a 2 hour block. Where there is a will there is a way.

Lastly, to the girl who told me she would pick the fancy restaurant every time, it’s better, it’s better because it’s a status thing, because you can show off your guy and brag to friends how he spends so much money on you. I wish I could have told you to your face how I think You’re a disgusting shallow person. But I couldn’t and didn’t… I just couldn’t say it to your face.. Perhaps next time.

(Note: It’s very late… and I can see I need to make several grammar and structural changes… I felt I just needed to write this, and post it as soon as possible… I’ve had a terrible writers block since last time I posted… I’ll review all the above and make corrections over the next few days… As well as write a few more articles now that I’ve broken my writers block.)