Believe in Yourself

I was reading up on some investment articles for work related purposes when I stumbled upon this little gem of a quote…

Winners are winners, because they do what winners do. Winners know that they’re not victims of circumstances, because those circumstances are new opportunities. Winners know that they have value and they know that often, the difference between the winner and the loser was not intelligence, but drive and initiative. Go after what you want and don’t look at economic headwinds. You may not make it to the 1 percent, but to live a prosperous life you don’t have to be remotely close.

While the above quote was from an article about saving and investing, and I’ve completely taken it out of context for my purposes. I think it holds true when applied to the world of dating.

The difference between a winning date and a losing date is your attitude. If you have just a bit of drive and initiative, and go after what you want… it won’t matter who you’re out with or what you’re doing. Don’t look at economic headwinds, meaning don’t worry about uncertainties, or issues that are completely out of your control. The date is not going well? Relax and change your attitude to enjoy it, regardless of the other person. When you’re out, you should be enjoying your time. You’ve chosen to be out with that person, so you should choose to enjoy it too. If the other person is not enjoying your company or the date then end it early, or just know that it’s a one and done deal and it will be over soon. You’ll move on, because as a winner it was an opportunity.

Not all opportunities turn out a win, but winners have drive. They’re driven to keep checking every opportunity until they get a win. That’s the crucial difference, losers stop when they lose. Winners keep on going, whether they win or lose doesn’t matter, they keep driving ahead.


Q. What is a Butterface?

Answer: A girl with an exceptionally hot body but an exceptionally ugly face. Everything but-her-face  is attractive. The type of women guys crudely remark they would brown-bag.

Oh for gods sake google brown-bag if you don’t know what it means.

Why would I blog this? A younger friend of mine was listening to WYUR this week and he overheard them discussing the term called “Butterface”. Coincidentally him and I happen to have a discussion on this very term this past weekend in which I happen to educate him on the term and what it actually means. Until this point he had some odd thought that it was this type of buttery facial expression or look that some girls have. Hard to describe without posting some photos…  no I am not going to do that.

Anyhow to make a long story short, the WYUR show didn’t actually figure out what it really meant and weren’t very educational about the subject. So here I am, educating you about butter faces. Voila.

It’s often surprising when I meet jewish guys that use terms without actually knowing what they really mean, or believe it means one thing but really means something else, usually much worse. What I find more often are “gaps” in people’s education, myself included. Jews, particularly observant jews often lead very sheltered lives for better or for worse. Over time we do learn many things but due to the sheltered life, we tend to have these “gaps”.  The result is a very politically incorrect and often hilarious conversation.

Once in high-school someone pointed to a girl and told me her nickname was “Truck”. I totally didn’t get it, it was beyond me. When I asked him what the heck he meant. He replied, “because that’s what looks like ran over her face”. OUCH.

Hey, I don’t make this stuff up. These things exist. I’m not calling it right. It just is. Bullying is cruel.

I don’t know where to even go with this… so I’m signing out.


P.S. If there’s any other interesting terms you want me to write about, drop me a line.


Another good post by Bad4.

Another great post by the excellent blogger Bad4. Her blog can be found here.

I’d like to respond to a comment made by the first commentator Gavi who wrote;

I have given the advice to many people that dating, at least for the first few dates, should be about having fun with the person, seeing if you are compatible in the sense of simply enjoying each others’ company. If that works out, then you can start to worry about all those “deep life questions” that the yeshiva world tries to make you ask in the first thirty minutes of the first date.

@ Gavi. I agree with your last paragraph. Totally.

I think many guys and girls forget that the basis for a real/stable relationship is friendship. The shidduch process, and by that I mean the shadchans and shidduch resumes should filter people that are on paper compatible with you. The next part of the process is taking the person out and having a good time, trying to connect and start a new friendship. In this way both of you can truly enjoy each others company and sense each others chemistry.

If there’s a lack of chemistry or you’ve discovered something about their personality that doesn’t jive with you, or some topic that’s been brought up has changed your opinion about them. Then and only then does it make sense to end the brief friendship.

Excuses like you’re not smitten in love, or  whatever bologna excuses people come up with these days… they’re just that… excuses. Dating is an adult game, you have to be real, genuine, and sincere. Excuses are for teenagers, and we’re way past that stage.

There are many valid reasons for ending a relationship, but there are even more excuses… It’s unfortunate I hear people break up more for excuses then for real tangible reasons.

Lastly, I find that people take dating too seriously. I mean that the attitude they take when going on dates is too serious and rigid… (some might say anal-retentive…). The message I’m trying to portray is that when going out on dates, your attitude should be about having fun. It doesn’t matter who it is, or what they look like, or any other stigma we concoct in our heads. We date and go out with people to get to know them better, the purpose is ultimately to find someone you’re comfortable sharing the rest of your life with. One, two, three, four dates… whatever amount you end up going on, in the scheme of things really doesn’t matter, but being positive and enjoying your time is. What matters is that you’re living your life in the NOW, and you need to enjoy it. Whether you end it after one or end it after three, ultimately you need to still enjoy your life while you look for your basheret.

(Otherwise you’ll be miserable, and people around you can sense it)

You will be way more likely to find someone you’re compatible and happy with if you’re enjoying yourself and having a good time (re: positive) then you would if you got super serious right away. It’ll also be doing your basheret a huge favour. If you can laugh and be positive he’ll quickly see you for who you are to him. We all want someone we can be happy with, and it’s much easier to see that when your positive, happy and having fun.