Quick Comment

Someone asked me why I don’t post more often.

This is funny because I actually have 10-15 drafts saved, but unfortunately I haven’t had much time to complete them. My full time job keeps me very busy and drained of all creative juices. Fortunately I have an awesome job!, but it does take its toll. On top of all that, I was recently appointed a position as a board member to a really cool institution. It’s a huge privilege (and great experience), especially to someone of my age, but it consumes a lot of time.

Between all the above, and balancing seeing friends/socializing, I’ve found it hard to commit large blocks of time to writing for my blog. Throw in my dating/romantic life into that mix and I end up having very little time to myself.

I try to write minimum one article a week.

Anyhow, I still take time to check up on several blogs and from time to time I’ll read an article and find myself instantly inspired to write a quick commentary (such as Calling Out “Thinking Jew Girl”).

I’m always welcome to guest posts for anyone that has something they wrote.

 

So if I’m not posting often, it’s not that the blog writer is gone. I’m just busy. 🙂

 

Jewish White Guy

 

 

Calling out “Thinking Jew Girl”

I just read an article from the Thinking Jew Girl (TJG) blog. I’m calling her out on being stupid, immature, or simply has a lack of life experience. (I’m sure she’s a really nice person though.. did I mention she has a good blog! I’m now following it.)

She’s annoyed that a guy on a date told her she was “Put Together”. This was her coup de gras, the straw that broke the camels back!

How terrible is it that a boy told her she was well brought up, presented herself nicely, maturely, and a bunch of other strong values and traits that she presented that night on their date.

Shame on him for speaking his mind… He certainly went overboard over there… way too forward, what was he thinking? Clearly this boy must be a teffilin dater and TJG just isn’t one of those girls.

What a pile of crap.

If a man compliments you on a date… thank him, compliment him back, say what a nice time you had or make something up… just for the love of god don’t put him down… say something positive about him, the date, or something from the experiences you two shared.

Honestly is it such a crime a man tried to speak his mind and not try to sound too forward?

It’s not like he was trying to get you into bed… and he certainly could have said a thousand other things that could have come off as too forward, awkward, sleazy, etc…

I think you effed up with this one.

I think your reasons for breaking up with him were completely valid. No reason for a second date needed. But this was the straw that broke the camels back? Seriously? Woman you are not ready for a true gentleman in your life. Because Gentlemen compliment women when they can.

Lastly, I give huge props to any guy with the kahunas to compliment a girl on a date. It’s hard enough being shomer, a gentleman, or your knight in shining armor… we are hard pressed to charm and dazzle you girls. Sometimes we take risks, one of those risks is complimenting you if we’re interested. If you’re a beautiful girl, we want you to know that we see it… we think YOU are valuable. We want you to know all that hard effort you put into your life to find your basheret, we see it, we know it, we value it.

Don’t condemn a guy for trying to express himself, even if at the time it sounded awkward or odd.. give the man in the TJG story a frikkin scotch & cigar. You get Bro points for trying. Better to swing and a miss, then to never swing at all. Rejection is part of life, this man clearly faces it head on. Like a man should.

Kudos!

Another good post by Bad4.

Another great post by the excellent blogger Bad4. Her blog can be found here.

I’d like to respond to a comment made by the first commentator Gavi who wrote;

I have given the advice to many people that dating, at least for the first few dates, should be about having fun with the person, seeing if you are compatible in the sense of simply enjoying each others’ company. If that works out, then you can start to worry about all those “deep life questions” that the yeshiva world tries to make you ask in the first thirty minutes of the first date.

@ Gavi. I agree with your last paragraph. Totally.

I think many guys and girls forget that the basis for a real/stable relationship is friendship. The shidduch process, and by that I mean the shadchans and shidduch resumes should filter people that are on paper compatible with you. The next part of the process is taking the person out and having a good time, trying to connect and start a new friendship. In this way both of you can truly enjoy each others company and sense each others chemistry.

If there’s a lack of chemistry or you’ve discovered something about their personality that doesn’t jive with you, or some topic that’s been brought up has changed your opinion about them. Then and only then does it make sense to end the brief friendship.

Excuses like you’re not smitten in love, or  whatever bologna excuses people come up with these days… they’re just that… excuses. Dating is an adult game, you have to be real, genuine, and sincere. Excuses are for teenagers, and we’re way past that stage.

There are many valid reasons for ending a relationship, but there are even more excuses… It’s unfortunate I hear people break up more for excuses then for real tangible reasons.

Lastly, I find that people take dating too seriously. I mean that the attitude they take when going on dates is too serious and rigid… (some might say anal-retentive…). The message I’m trying to portray is that when going out on dates, your attitude should be about having fun. It doesn’t matter who it is, or what they look like, or any other stigma we concoct in our heads. We date and go out with people to get to know them better, the purpose is ultimately to find someone you’re comfortable sharing the rest of your life with. One, two, three, four dates… whatever amount you end up going on, in the scheme of things really doesn’t matter, but being positive and enjoying your time is. What matters is that you’re living your life in the NOW, and you need to enjoy it. Whether you end it after one or end it after three, ultimately you need to still enjoy your life while you look for your basheret.

(Otherwise you’ll be miserable, and people around you can sense it)

You will be way more likely to find someone you’re compatible and happy with if you’re enjoying yourself and having a good time (re: positive) then you would if you got super serious right away. It’ll also be doing your basheret a huge favour. If you can laugh and be positive he’ll quickly see you for who you are to him. We all want someone we can be happy with, and it’s much easier to see that when your positive, happy and having fun.